still so much on my mind

So i just got back from an all day volleyball tournament. it went well we got third place and went 3-2 ! not to shabby for our first tournament. after we lost our last game we had to work and i really opened up to one of my team mates. like i told her about how i did drugs and  drank alcohol and also how i self harmed myself. thankfully she didnt judge me because she has done the same things and self harmed also! but i guess its the fact talking about it brought back bad memories. sometimes i miss cutting my skin and seeing the blood. eventually having those scars. im sad the scars on my thighs are fading. i dont want them to go away. i dont know what to do anymore!! someone please help me !